Dreams melt down from Glaciers!

i used to have a recurring dream... almost every night, it was my companion in knowing that i was still alive and that i SURVIVED and will continue to do so. The dream included me falling off something... basically falling to my death.
My entire body would startle and i would wake up.
This happened for a couple for years after i almost went off a cliff during a trek in the one of the many Himalayan glaciers. These dreams stopped once i realised the cause and spoke to my counselor (poor Padma akka!) about it.
It was slippery, unexpected and i just slid all the way in the snow. Freezing hands don't help especially when you have nothing to hold on to but snow. Fear of death didn't hit me. That adrenaline rush i haven't felt since. It's a new high.

I'm not going to go into a big monologue about how it makes me appreciate things in life, on the contrary it's multiplied my detached-ness. I am uncomfortable getting too close to anything. I look for ways to end it. i never bother keeping in touch, i suck at it... recently i was told that i would be that friend who would go wish a dead person happy birthday on facebook. XD
When i start caring about people it scares me, when people care about me it scares me even more. I'm really picky in a sense, i would go to any extend to make sure a person doesn't get hurt. On the other hand i am the most apathetic stranger they could ever know.

Moving on, I've started having recurring dreams again... this time it's hard to find a cause. Most realistic dreams ever, sometimes even after i wake up i have to check to make sure that I am really up. These haunt me, I struggle to wake up, often breathless by the time the battle is won. Sometimes i think there could have been a possibility of death if i hadn't made that extra effort to come out.
In a sick, twisted way i've started enjoying these dreams partly. They take me back to that rush i felt.. years ago. Definitely not the full grandeur of it... but in bits and pieces it let's me re-live those moments.