Dreams melt down from Glaciers!

i used to have a recurring dream... almost every night, it was my companion in knowing that i was still alive and that i SURVIVED and will continue to do so. The dream included me falling off something... basically falling to my death.
My entire body would startle and i would wake up.
This happened for a couple for years after i almost went off a cliff during a trek in the one of the many Himalayan glaciers. These dreams stopped once i realised the cause and spoke to my counselor (poor Padma akka!) about it.
It was slippery, unexpected and i just slid all the way in the snow. Freezing hands don't help especially when you have nothing to hold on to but snow. Fear of death didn't hit me. That adrenaline rush i haven't felt since. It's a new high.

I'm not going to go into a big monologue about how it makes me appreciate things in life, on the contrary it's multiplied my detached-ness. I am uncomfortable getting too close to anything. I look for ways to end it. i never bother keeping in touch, i suck at it... recently i was told that i would be that friend who would go wish a dead person happy birthday on facebook. XD
When i start caring about people it scares me, when people care about me it scares me even more. I'm really picky in a sense, i would go to any extend to make sure a person doesn't get hurt. On the other hand i am the most apathetic stranger they could ever know.

Moving on, I've started having recurring dreams again... this time it's hard to find a cause. Most realistic dreams ever, sometimes even after i wake up i have to check to make sure that I am really up. These haunt me, I struggle to wake up, often breathless by the time the battle is won. Sometimes i think there could have been a possibility of death if i hadn't made that extra effort to come out.
In a sick, twisted way i've started enjoying these dreams partly. They take me back to that rush i felt.. years ago. Definitely not the full grandeur of it... but in bits and pieces it let's me re-live those moments.

... part 3

There is a Mr. and Mrs. Barn owl!! They sit on top of the dead raintree and romance all day long, i wouldn't want to begin to imagine what they get up to during the nights.

A lot happens on a farm, a lot happened today... but i just don't have the energy to keep typing and thinking. i've yawned about a hundred times till now, keeping my eyes open is just not possible!

to quickly summarize i received a couple of happy new year calls and texts...

- one such friend told me that i should eat something sweet since it's new year and i didn't find anything sweet other than my homeopathic pills... so i popped a couple of them.

- another such call was from a extremely drunk friend, who had two other drunk friends as her built-in echo.

-i also received a couple of sane calls but unfortunately but i was too 'sleepy' to make sense of it

- i saw a peacock

- my dad is coming here tomorrow!

-i want cheese cake

- i can't think of anything else!!

looking forward to 8 hours of sleeeeeeep!

Last day of the Year

I've started and restarted this particular piece around 10 times, yet there seems to be no cooler way of narrating today events.

The Lady next door was nice enough to offer me lunch and dinner today, so i took a break from cooking. Most of today went by in pointless thought, i was thinking about why people write.., why i choose to show it to people, why i write, what inspires me etc etc.. as you can guess this took a lot of time. I guess Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs stands tested.

Today i had a staring competition with a Barn Owl, the owl won! only because it doesn't use the toilet when it has to pee. I also thought about how the owl would have perceived me and how i would like it to perceive me. Clearly i had a lot of time on my hands.

I relocated a couple of plants as they were taking up too much space next to the water path and the smaller plants needed the sunlight ( not really...i was bored). Then i was sitting next to the wash area drinking Elani while a crow decided to test it's tolerance. It would hop very close to me then get scared and hop a feet feet away. This occurred more than a couple of times, before i realised that it was New Year eve! and i was all alone with a crow for entertainment and a barn owl which is more naturally suited for staring than me.

After a momentary period of panic, which lasted for an hour... i decided to make up for the loss of my rolling paper. Creating and theorizing is so much fun, no wonder so many people do it! i will soonly find out the ratio of joy when it works practically. =P

On a final note, being with friends/family, getting sloshed etc is a lot of fun, but i don't really regret being away and getting annoyed by the chirpy-ness of the babblers or squirrels during the day and the frogs and crickets during the night.

No. of centipedes killed since yesterday : 6 and a half. (try crawling closer to the corners so that people don't step on you!)

No. of moths : 1

No. of bronze/black skinks almost killed : 1 (will upload picture asap)

To all the things that fought a brave battle against my unconscious legs RIP.

Happy 2011!

Sangeetha's shin-nen Countdown!

Most people i know are making gigantic plans for New Year's eve. Some have night long parties, others are meeting up at friend's places/beach houses etc, etc. A few ambitious ones intend to party hop. While most people prepare to bring in the new year with friends/ family and significant others, i buzzed off to my farm, 750 kms from my habitat(Chennai) for 4 days all alone.

A few Clarifications:

1. No, I wasn't forced to be here. I choose to be here.

2. I love my farm, there is nothing that precedes it. My parents very kindly, maybe with selfish intentions now that i think of it, bought me this piece of land last January. Since then i take every opportunity to run off here.

3. No, i will not die of starvation!!! i can cook!* conditions apply

Why farm? well it's always been what i wanted to do, be self sustainable. grow my own stuff (millets, veggies etc! not what you think!). so what better way than to test out if i'm made of this stuff or not than to spend a few solitary days looking after myself and the land! And for someone who's native is Chennai, this place comes as a sigh of relief from all the pollution!( people included)

After a sudden haphazard plan i reached here at 7 in the morning and the first thing i had to do was clean the bathroom! cobwebs!!! I was reminded of the many character building vacations Calvin had to endure.

I washed my clothes, contemplated and found the perfect place to dry it.

Then i walked around the farm scanning for edible things, saw a couple of mushrooms, but decided to pass, plucked a some brinjals and chillis and a papaya.

I decided to make sambar, because it's hard to screw up( but i did anyway, i made it too watery) I went to the local 'shop' and bought cabbage because again it's easy to make. Thank jeebus for electric cooker or i would have been fumbled by the water/ rice ratio!

I was sitting near the wash area when i saw two long strips of white cloth (about a foot long) caught on a branch. It was moving very obnoxiously for strips of cloth!!

I later found out it was the Paradise Fly Catcher thanks to anjana and google images. i walked behind the bird, often in circles, trying to get a clear picture.

I implemented one of my bright spark idea of a lime and papaya patch. Hopefully they'll compliment eachother and grow, lime is slow growing and the papaya is fast growing which means it'll shed more leaves and fertilize the lime and the lime for it's part will shield the papaya from the wind and rain as it's a slow growing deciduous tree! =| , hopefully my theory will stand good.

Tonight's dinner is going to be instant noodles fosho! thank god for that invention.

List of things iForgot to bring

- shampoo! ( i have the conditioner! =\)

- mosquito repellent ( i really need this!)

- Disc (Frisbee)

- torch

- umbrella

- rolling paper =((

- chocolates

Second last day of this year wasn't too bad.

Sangee

attempt to write again.

Everytime i start writing i abandon it. does it mean i
have nothing to say? has the education system finally got the better of me??! i think i take the easy way out. it's easy if you don't express you don't have to spend time trying to prove anything. The blank
...façade helps, no one knows what you are actually feeling inside. It gives me a sense of power to know what the other person is thinking. When I finally found a way to blend in... the blanket around me is being whipped away, I feel the cold wind again.

Nothing to worry about I’m sitting here, sandy sweating,
and feeling guilty for a mistake I might
have made which decided the fate of others. When the emotion subdues the façade
will be back.

....

i'm bored. i give up. it'll be easier if i don't struggle. i can't put up with the constant fighting. i'll be just another seed stored away without exploiting my potential to grow. if i never become anything, then they can't be blamed right??

Plight of the College Going Girl

a new transition, a new change, a new environment (!!!!), and a new oppertunity to supposedly prove myself. this is also supposed to be the most important step i take into my life.this decision of mine is going to govern the path the rest of my life is going to take. freaky isn't it? like Led Zeppelin sang " Yes, there are two paths you can go byBut in the long run Theres still time to change the road youre on".
School to college... so many differences, getting picked on for my casualness and me posture which oozes 'disrespect' to the teacher( apparently). getting up everytime and chorusing a 'good morning' or ' thank you'. apparently what you put on is more important than what you are.
THe old speaker in every room that crackles to life in the mornings to tell us a moralistic story and ends with a prayer. the canteen hit by waves of girls during break time.
the least expected surprise which hit me really hard, are my english classes. this surprise is not good surprise! the classes are pathetic. We did "Cabulliwalah for god's sake and my teacher asks the meanings for every word in the story, like prattle and sturdy!!!!!! Seriously if they were gonna randomly put us into some "English for dummies" class, why did they make us write that stupid essay about some life changing experience.

English is one of my biggest problems, the other one is my HOD but anyway. i feel dumbed down because of the class. Not even a blackcurrant iced tea or a cold coffee can fix this brain damage. the worst she makes weird noises... like when she is explaining a hissing sound or the slashing of water????
For someone who has been doing Shakespeare since class 10 this is hell. i never thought i'd ever say this but something more advanced is needed!!!